I really don’t know! 🔗
Yo! So this is it, finally I am starting to write this blog. I have been planning to write this blog since last weekend but mehhhh, I am lazy. So since last one week I have been bombed with a specific genre of questions by my well wishers:
“What next? What do I plan to do next? What profile have I shortlisted for the upcoming campus internship drive? Or do I plan to go for research?…”
If you had asked me the same question 3-4 months back then I would have had a clear answer for these questions, But to be honest, I have no idea right now. Last few months have been rough on me, I have been rejected for several project opportunities, performed badly in acads, brutally rejected in a project interview and was made to realize that I am not even near my research interest. Well in short I succumbed to the competition. And the results of last semester made it worse. I really lost my confidence and still feel insecure about my future.
But time heals everything and it really has helped me to realize a lot of things I have been doing wrong, I have corrected some of them, some mistakes are beyond repair and some I still can’t stop doing. But still I try to avoid the question What next?. Since the start of summers I have been trying to shortlist a set of profiles or broaden my area of interest. But every time I sit with a notepad jotting down a set of topics that I like, the list becomes toooo long and I can’t figure the one out of them. But earlier this week I realized these things are a compilation of what I imagined myself to be when I am over 18 and all of those topics suddenly seemed to be a wishlist bucket. Well so the question still stands: What do I want to be? because i don’t think I am master in any of them and it’s uptime for me to make a decision because now I am in pre-final year.
So I did what I thought was right to do, I closed my eyes and slept for straight 3 hrs. Well the picture was not clear to me. So I closed my eyes again and slept…. Jk I didn’t sleep, I tried to imagine what I can work on for the next 10 years and not regret it. But tbh nothing close came to my mind, It’s just void. I can’t see my future in anything. At Least people have fantasies about the next 5 years of their life but I don’t see any of them right now. It’s Void!!.
But again the best thing I have learnt this summer is to calm down and let time fill the void. I don’t feel too tense about what I will do next, because one thing that I know for sure is it may take time but I always get a part of what I want and yes I can live with that.
P.S. -> I wrote this blog so that I can calm down and always remember what I really think is a good lesson for me.
Signing off
Aditya Ranjan Jha