So trying to sum up this year in the final hour of 2022! This year was full of ups and downs, but all in all what a happening year. I cried I laughed, I tried and I slept. This year had 3 emotions all in all: realization, denial and acceptance. The year started with a whole list of realizations and among a tough crowd. As soon as I reached campus I realized the competence of the crowd there and how relaxed I was at home, completely cut off from what was going on in people’s life and career. Not only that, I realized how much of goss, a great bunch of people, and societies I missed. Well coming to some facts, I was addicted to games back in my 3rd Semester and my learning curve stopped. I was able to escape that thing after coming to campus and interacting with real people. But I didn’t realize the latter until it was pointed out to me in 2 project selection interviews. These events shook my confidence. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I didn’t know what domain I wanted to work in. I didn’t know how to cover the gap of one whole semester in my learning curve. When many of my friends had a lot of progress in their life in a definite direction. I was directionless. Finding work experience seemed difficult to me as I didn’t have a good academic background, I wanted to work in a field that required a lot of knowledge to begin with and I am not ok or good with bluffing (I am not street or any kind of smart). Well, this sums up the realization phase of the year.
With all these realizations, I eventually went into denial and wasted a lot of time looking back on what I lost and worrying about what I am going to lose. Well I still sometimes do the latter. I went into absolute tryhard and started losing even more. I skipped events and fest to do something,felt separated, trying to deny what can’t be undone. Well I absolutely forgot what it’s to be around people and the value of social events that I have limited counts left of. Finally after getting nothing going my way in the first half of the year, my “grand comeback” failed and I realized my mistakes and started letting go of things eventually and as I would like to say in the lingo “Peace marna seekh gaya ‘’. This sums up the denial stage of my Y22.
In the acceptance stage being at home helped a lot in the summer breaks and of course some friends helped too. As soon as I started letting go of things, some things started aligning themselves in the direction I wanted them too. Well, I was at a point of time when I had nothing to defend or lose. And as I have mentioned earlier, will to work is associated with a reward-based system, if you don’t get rewarded for your actions your will to move ahead stagnates. And then I was rewarded with one opportunity which helped me get confidence for other opportunities and I grabbed some of them too. So, all in all, I had a direction to move but since nothing lasts forever, neither bad times nor the good times. I was again struck, hence started performing bad academically and socially, but the good thing I was much more calm this time, didn’t panic let things go and started retrospection, and found out that I am too far from my goal and may have applied for some wrong fellowship projects, anyways nothing can be done about that and hence again I had nothing in my hand to lose or defend, so I started working and got some valuable work opportunities, but on the social front I have become much more awkward, I am out of words most of the times, it’s like I have forgotten to talk with new people. My memory has also become week, I have experienced brain freeze moment many times in past one or two months. I have lost confidence in many things including sports.
So yes, My 2022 story doesn’t end on a perfect note, but what an amazing year I had. I learned so much, I enhanced my power of retrospection, I got some amazing confidence boosting opportunities, got more clear picture of what I want to become, came closer to my family and best of all made some amazing friends along the way, who I expect are the only readers of this blog. So happy new year folks, wish you an amazing year ahead. So with me in 2023 I carry a lot of work opportunities to convert into outcome, a poor physical health which I wish to repair and kind of my only resolution, this year and hope for the end of my yips on the social front of my personality. I also wish to connect with many people who I never contacted in 2022 and they were a crucial part of my life before that.
PS: Completing this blog from Bhutan.
Signing off
Aditya Ranjan Jha