Life-Lessons on Aditya Unfiltered

Navigating the Grey

Sun, 29 Sep 2024 21:33:19 +0800

The other day, I was reflecting on kindness—why it’s important to do something kind every day. Kindness is a virtue, but expecting it from others can be a slippery slope. What we often forget is that the essence of kindness lies in not expecting anything in return: no redemption, no reward, just the simple act of giving because you feel you’ve received more than your share.

The trouble arises when we’re treated poorly. We start to question whether being kind is even worth it. The truth is, you can’t expect everyone to be kind. It’s a choice we each make, and we have to live with that choice. As the saying goes, “Either you die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” The root cause of this disillusionment is often expectations. We hold people to unspoken standards—hoping they’ll behave in ways we deem ‘nice.’ But silent expectations are dangerous. If you want something, sometimes you need to say it out loud; other times, you simply need to accept people as they are.

If you can do something kind without expecting anything in return, then do it. Don’t keep score. And if you’re looking for a reward, be upfront about it. Otherwise, maybe the action isn’t worth taking. This brings me to a personal struggle: ethics. Philosophers often say ethics are boundaries created by the weak to make themselves feel better. And when I think about whether I’m a good person or not, I come to a humbling realization—I have some of the wildest thoughts. Thoughts filled with petty rage, grudges, and other emotions I’m not proud of. But the key is, I don’t act on them. I do my best to control those urges and not let them dictate my decisions.

I’ve come to see that it’s not all black and white. Life is more of a grey area. And that grey is often fueled by the volatility of my mind. Most of the time, I manage to keep things in check, though the frequency of losing control is higher than I’d like to admit. When that happens, I take a step back and reflect, and usually, I calm down—at least for a while. This cycle reminds me of when I struggled with stress-eating a year ago. I could control it for some time, but then, over the smallest trigger, I’d spiral out of control. Once I thought I’d crossed the line, I felt like I was already in the dark, so why not fully commit? But the truth is, I wasn’t in the dark—I was in the grey. There’s always a way back, always progress to be made. There are no losses, only lessons. And just like my fat-loss journey, I’d falter, then bounce back even stronger. Eventually, I got so far past the line that I could stay above it. (Though, to be honest, the journey is still ongoing.)

There are other areas of my life I know I can improve. I’ve always struggled to find a balance between what’s good for my mind and what’s good for my personal growth. I’ve swung to the extreme ends of both, and I’m sure this is something many people can relate to in some part of their lives. It’s easy to feel like you can’t come back once you’ve gone too far, but the reality is that most of our actions lie in the grey zone. And in most cases, there’s always a way out.

For me, the best way out is sleep. Sleeping solves most of my problems. When I’m weighed down by my thoughts or my conscience, a good night’s sleep brings me clarity. It’s not meditation, but it’s effective for me. And I think that’s an important lesson: if you’re having a bad day, don’t give up so soon. It’s easy to forget that most good ideas don’t come from immediate breakthroughs. They emerge after hours of trial and error, often following silly mistakes. I used to feel the need to justify my process to others—explaining that I wasn’t just slacking off—but what I’ve learned from my time at NUS is that the final ideas aren’t the time-consuming part. It’s the wrong ideas that take time. It’s figuring out why they don’t work that demands so much energy.

Speaking of fragile minds, how often do we start down one path, only to realize halfway through that we’ve been wrong the entire time? For me, this happens frequently. I’ll be convinced I’m on the right track, only to suddenly realize I’ve been lost all along. I think the root cause is my tendency to imagine how the outcome will look, getting so wrapped up in the destination that I lose sight of the actual journey. I forget to evaluate whether I’m truly heading in the right direction, and by the time I recognize the detour, it feels like I’m too far gone. But even then, there’s a lesson: it’s not about how far off track you’ve gone, but about recognizing it and adjusting course. It’s all part of the grey area—there’s always a way to correct yourself if you’re willing to stop, rethink, and move forward with fresh insight.

Signing off
Aditya Ranjan Jha

Lessons in Patience, Focus, and Output

Sun, 22 Sep 2024 22:34:20 +0800

The world has a strange way of humbling you, especially when you don’t realize you’re wrong. If you’re lucky enough, you’ll recognize what’s happening before it’s too late. Just last year, during an internship project, I found myself adapting to the problem statement much faster than my teammates. This gave me a sense of superiority—I used to get frustrated when they couldn’t keep up and contribute equally. I convinced myself that they weren’t putting in as much effort, which made it easy to look down on them for not pulling their weight. At that time, I grew resistant to group projects where one person seems to do all the work while others bask in the success. However, life has a way of bringing you full circle. In my current project, I’m working on an exciting problem with a colleague who is much smarter, more organized, and meticulous than I am. This has been a humbling experience. While I sometimes feel disappointed when things don’t go my way or when I can’t lead from the front like I’m accustomed to, I recently realized how slow of a learner I am compared to him. What struck me yesterday was how quickly he picked up concepts in a field that’s completely new to both of us, while I spent a whole week getting nowhere. In one hour of structured thinking, he helped me generalize a solution that took me days of effort to even brute-force. It gave me a strange sense of déjà vu, reminding me of my impatience during previous internships when I was in the stronger position. I now realize that I had wrongly assumed my former colleagues weren’t trying as hard as I was. I didn’t take their learning speed into account. My colleague today is far more patient with me than I ever was with my teammates. I’m grateful for this realization, and all I can say is looking forward if I am in a similar position again, I will be much better.

The Mind’s Maze: Keeping Track of the Core Idea 🔗

Another important realization I’ve had is how easily you can get lost in your thoughts, and how important it is to stay grounded. It’s all too common to lose track of the core idea when you’re deeply immersed in thought. This is why it’s crucial to note down important points—especially when you take a break. When you write down what you’ve done and evaluate how much it contributes to the solution, it helps you recognize whether you’ve wandered off course. Successful people often say it’s easy to control your mind, but for me, trying to control a thought often leads to distractions. The mind works recursively, pulling you off-topic the moment you try to focus. Writing things down keeps you tethered so that even if you get lost, you can always return to your original line of thinking.

Output Over Input: Finding a Balance 🔗

Recently, someone told me, “Nobody cares about the input; everyone wants the output.” As intimidating as that sounds, it’s true. You can use this mindset to stay productive by constantly thinking about how your actions contribute to the final result. But it’s not always the best approach. Sometimes, when you can’t see a fully formed solution, you waste time trying to force it. Sometimes, when a solution feels trivial or intuitive, it wasn’t truly intuitive—it only seems that way because you’ve built up the necessary knowledge base through hard work and trial and error. The wrong paths you take still add to your understanding. So, when is the “output over input” mindset useful? It helps when you start feeling overwhelmed by the effort required to reach a solution. From the outside, the final result might look simple and intuitive, but you know the depth of effort behind it. Keeping your focus on the output can help you push through without letting the difficulty of the process slow you down. A perfect example is Albert Einstein. When he developed the theory of general relativity, it might seem obvious to us today, but it wasn’t intuitive back then. He spent nearly a decade wrestling with complex mathematics, rethinking assumptions, and even seeking help from others. The journey was long, but Einstein didn’t get caught up in the difficulty. He remained focused on the result. Even after achieving success in 1919, Einstein didn’t rest. He continued pushing boundaries, tackling new challenges like quantum mechanics and the search for a unified field theory. Einstein’s ability to focus on the output, rather than getting bogged down by the input, serves as a powerful reminder. Sometimes, we get overwhelmed by the effort, but by keeping our eyes on the outcome, we can keep moving forward.

Signing off
Aditya Ranjan Jha

Regrets

Sat, 14 Sep 2024 09:33:19 +0530

Note: The phrase “In most cases” is implied throughout the blog

The other day, I was returning from the lab and started evaluating if what I’m doing is right—whether it will contribute to my goals or not. I wondered, “What if I regret picking this project? What if it doesn’t turn out the way I want?” After thinking about it for a few minutes, I started reflecting on all the times in the past where I couldn’t see the road ahead clearly. Interestingly, this brought me to a larger, more abstract question that many of us have faced in one form or another: “Do I regret making this choice, or do I just wish something had been different that could’ve made my situation better?”

It’s a common feeling—regretting a choice and wasting time imagining alternate scenarios where things might have turned out better. We’ve all been there. In one line, you could say, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” But if I were to give my analysis (and because this is my blog), here’s my take:

When we make important life choices—like deciding between two different paths—it’s natural to spend time carefully considering our options. We use our intuition, analyze potential outcomes, and try to predict what will bring us the most happiness. However, no matter how much time we spend or how thoroughly we think things through, the true outcome of our decisions is often shaped by uncontrollable factors—random events, external influences, and life circumstances we simply can’t predict.

Regret tends to come up when the outcome doesn’t match our expectations. But here’s the catch: no matter how much time or effort we put into the decision, we can’t fully predict the future. Our predictions are based on limited information and are often biased by our preferences. The true outcome is influenced by unknown factors beyond our control. So, the regret we feel—or the satisfaction we experience—has little to do with the decision process itself.

In the end, the time spent making the decision and the methods used—whether instinctive or analytical—become irrelevant to the final outcome. Regret, then, is often misplaced because the real factors that shaped the outcome were unpredictable from the start.

For example, imagine you’re in your 20s and are given a choice between leading an active social lifestyle (the “YOLO” crowd) or isolating yourself to work on self-improvement and your career (the “make an impact” kind of people). Neither path guarantees happiness. No matter what choice you make, at some point, you’ll have made a wrong move along the way. And you’ll wonder: “What if I’d done things differently?”

This happens because satisfaction isn’t just a function of the actual outcome. It’s inversely proportional to the gap between your expectations and reality. And we all know that we tend to keep raising our expectations. That’s why you’ll rarely meet someone who hasn’t thought, “Life would be better if I’d made a different choice.”

If you’re going through a rough time and can’t wait for it to end, don’t challenge the universe. Things might get even worse, and you could find yourself missing the very moment you once wanted to escape. So, is it impossible to ever be happy? No, it’s not. The key is to enjoy the process and learn to live with whatever outcome follows. In the end, most of us realize that it all connects—you can always look back and connect the dots. If you believe that there will come a time when things are better, start telling yourself that everything makes sense now, and you’ll get there faster.

I came to this conclusion when I was optimizing my trips using public transportation to run errands. I realized that there was always a bus I could’ve caught earlier, even when I thought I’d caught the best one by running and barely making it on time. It was a self-taught lesson that helps me stop worrying about the past in most cases. Of course, I still make mistakes more often than I’d like to admit, but writing this down at least makes me feel better going into the next week.

Signing off
Aditya Ranjan Jha